Please don't use social media to get back at me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
