There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
