if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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