you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
