I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
