At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
