Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
