i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
