Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
