Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
