And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
