he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
