He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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