I am puke
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
