you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
