You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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