i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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