so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
