Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
