so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
