You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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