Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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