i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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