Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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