When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As shirtless as possible
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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