I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
