how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
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They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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