I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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