I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
