I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
