Can Purell be used as lube?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
