i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
