Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
