what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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