after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
