I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
