Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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