I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
