I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
