yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
