so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize