Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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