New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
