i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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