Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
