hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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