you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
