I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
