he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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