So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
