Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
