I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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