I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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