my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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