Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you win again, gameday.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
And then he peed in my hair
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