Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
