I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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