hotel room ftw
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
