Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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