it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
