I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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