The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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