i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
