Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
