she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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