Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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