Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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