A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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