Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
