HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
