I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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