I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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