Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His nipple licking is glorious
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