sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
