hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
