I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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