Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
