He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize