Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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