I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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