for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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